[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
It's not as strong as methamphetamine
but it lets you keep your teeth.
Oh, this is just a walk-in freezer.
I don't want any snow cones.
Ah, maybe there's another air vent.
Then I can crawl away forever.
They need one of those safety signs.
You know, I'm starting to wish I
hadn't gotten wet earlier.
Okay, lead the way. Where are we going?
YOU'RE GOING TO HIDE IN THE CORNER?
Man, now I'm almost out of bullets.
You know what, you can
stay in the corner.
I'm going to come back with a dunce cap
for you and you're going to wear it.
God, look at how big that thing is.
I need more bullets; I can't be wrestling
these things with my bare hands.
[imitates chainsaw starting]
I need a chainsaw and a hockey mask.
Then we'll see who messes with...
Yes. Some more thoughtful
people left me their ammo.
It's like Christmas around here.
People are going to crap their
pants if I wave this around.
They'll do anything I want.
I'm saving this for later.
I'm not going to waste this
on just anybody.
Yep, back to lead salad
for the rest of you.
Does the kitchen slaughter hogs in here?
Yeah, that's right, just
puke on my suit.
It doesn't matter anymore.
It's already got blood all over it.
Most of it's not even my blood; it's
from the other alien that puked on me.
I'm probably carrying a few
blood-borne diseases on my suit.
I'm a walking CDC nightmare.
It makes me want to hug someone.
You know with all these meat
slabs hanging, I--
DAMMIT! Will you stop doing that?!
I can't concentrate when you do that!
What was I thinking about?
Oh yeah, how are they getting
those meat slabs in here?
I thought there'd be a loading bay.
Did they just hike them through the labs?
Ah, dammit. I've gone in circles again.
Hey, there's my air vent.
Yeah, there's another dead guy.
That's a good sign, right?
Here, I thought I was being original,
but it looks like everybody's
doing the air vent thing.
Why can't I start my own fad?
I guess I'm the only one
that hasn't died doing this.
That's kind of original around here.
I still can't believe those idiots
crawled into the fan blades.
I once bet my old roommate to
stick his hand in a blender
and even he wasn't dumb enough for that.
I bet you don't even have a
frontal lobe.
What is that thing?
A car battery?
That's not really worth pawning.
It looks heavy. I'll leave it.
Ah, nuts. I forgot to make a
dunce cap for that guy.
I was hoping I could find some
poster board and a marker.
Oh well, I'm not going back for him.
I'm not going back for anybody.
That would go great with my collection.
Mm, maybe I'll wait. I don't
want to clean it myself.
Besides, I think Eddie said he was going
to get some more in for pretty cheap.
If I were to die right now, I
bet no one would find my body.
When I die, for my funeral, I want them
to be shooting bombs off in the air,
and have two F-16 fighter jets
doing barrel rolls overhead.
And, really, it's what I deserve.
God, who designed this room?
It's like one of those
little gerbil mazes
where you make them run
through the tubes.
Except they get to cheat because th--
Because their tubes are transparent.
God DAMN, those things are nasty!
And it's flicking me off.
Why is there a ladder here
if it doesn't go anywhere?
A scientist's job is to try and make
sense of the world around him.
But this whole building is crazy.
a giant box-smashing room,
The only time I feel like
I know what I'm doing
is when I'm shooting or breaking things.
No wonder we spend so much
money making missiles.
I thought today's experiment might work,
but instead, we blew up everything.
Man, fighting in this
vent is kind of cramped.
It reminds me of
that Jackie Chan movie
where he fights some
dude under a train car.
Yeah, little slow, buddy!
That other guy below
us is way faster than you.
GUARD: Hey, don't count on the
cavalry finding us down here.
GUARD: Head for the surface.
Yeah, what do you think
I've been doing, Gomer?
Standing around, picking my nose?
GUARD: Elevators are out of order.
GUARD: But we can still climb.
Yeah, tell that to your dead coworkers.
I found a few of them in the vents.
I thought I almost fell
for that turret gun again.
Because this stairway looks
exactly like that other one.
I still don't understand why--
See, I was ready for that.
Let's face it, not everyone
is cut out to be me.
I'm a physics-crunching badass.
I'm the complete package.
Can you open this door up?
Why is he adjusting his tie?
Oh, it must be a one-way mirror.
I can't say I'm surprised by that anymore.
We're a monument to misspending.
I wonder if the CEO just rubs
himself with money.
Whoa! That guy's got some moves!
Yeah, see, your falling sucks!
Why'd you have to kill that guy?
He's the only cool person I've seen.
Anyone who'll dive through a
window at his age is cool in my book.
I'd test one right now, but I don't want
to level the building until I'm out of it.
Why is it so hard to get out of
the building?
It's like everywhere I turn, there's
another obstacle I have to dance around.
I bet there's spikes at the
bottom of this shaft.
Hup, got another dangler.
I bet somebody's wishing they could
do a pull-up right about now.
Man, you have to be out of shape
not to do one pull-up.
You'd think that elevator shaft
would get the adrenaline going.
It does with me and I'm not the
one about to die.
You know, that's the nice thing
about staying fit in an academic field.
You can beat up most of your
coworkers if you have to.
Yeah, see, I can do a pull-up.
Okay, well... hey hey! Snack machine!
A-Alright alright, I got some change.